jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
