I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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