Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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