Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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