if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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