I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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