Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
