what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
