I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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