you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
