I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
