i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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