This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i dont even know how to be here
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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