i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
