one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
