Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
