thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
