No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
