guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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