It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sext me about skeletons
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
