It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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