its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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