Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
