He had one of those small greek statue penises
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
