Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
How external is "for external use only"?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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