so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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