my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
