Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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