Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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