im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
