i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
