He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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