I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
