i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
