so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
