i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
