She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
