Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
