You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
