FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
