I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
