I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
