sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
