I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
