woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
