someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
