3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
