So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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