Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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