I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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